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Who said Soccer players aren't stupid!

Ashton Gate

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"Never go 50-50 for a ball unless you're 80-20 sure of winning it" - Ian Darke

"You don't score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals" - Alan Green

"Arsenal are quick to credit Dennis Bergkamp for laying on 75% of their 9 goals" - Tony Gubba

"What a debut for the young goalkeeper, as a striker" - Peter Drury

"Cantona's expression speaking the whole French dictionary without saying a word" - Barry Davies

"He went through a non-existent gap" - Clive Tyldesley

"Peru scored their third, and it's 3-1 to Scotland" - David Coleman

"The Dutch look like a huge jar of marmalade" - Barry Davies

"And Rush, quick as a needle" - Ron Jones

"Poor Graham Shaw. It was there for the asking, and he didn't give the answer" - Peter Jones

"Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead" - Tom Perrie

"The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory" - David Coleman

"Such a positive move for Uruguay. Bringing two players off and putting two players on" - John Helm

"All the Leeds team are 100% behind the manager, but I can't speak for the rest of the squad" - Brian Greenhoff

"My leg sort of disappeared from nowhere" - Chris Waddle

"The manager has given us unbelievable belief" - Paul Merson

"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well" - Alan Shearer

"I dreamt of playing for a club like Manchester United, and now here I am at Liverpool" - Sander Westerweld

"Leeds is a great club, and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough" - Jonathan Woodgate

"I'm as happy as I can be, but I've been happier" - Ugo Ehiogu

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game, as long as we won the League" - Mark Viduka

"If you never concede a goal, then you're going to win more games than you lose" - Bobby Moore

"I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football" - Les Ferdinand

"If you make the right decision, it's normally going to be the correct one" - Dave Beasant

And some from Kevin Keegan:

"You can't do better than go away from home, and get a draw"

"They compare McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why. It's because he's different"

"Using his strength, and that's his strength, his strength"

"Young Gareth Barry. He's young"

"Gary always weighed up his options, even when he had no choice"

"The substitute is about to come on. He's the one that was left out of the starting line-up today"

"Argentina won't be at Euro 2000, because they're from South America"

"Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice-versa"

"Football's always easier when you've got the ball"

"The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23"

"We managed to wrong a few rights"

"Danny Tiatto is not going to make a mistake on purpose"

"That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved"

"There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight"

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Just the tip of the iceberg:......

"Welcome to Bologna on capital Gold for England versus San Marino with Tennent's Pilsner, brewed with Czechoslovakian yeast for that extra Pilsner taste and England are one down" - Jonathan Pearce

"And Southampton have most assuredly lost their confidence in this second half" - Mike McGhee

"And the bald head of John Sillett leaps from the bench" - Stuart Linnell

"There are no opportune times for a penalty, and this is not one of those times" - Jack Youngblood

"This is the first time Denmark has ever reached the World Cup finals, so this is the most significant moment in Danish history" - John Helm

"West Germany's Briegel hasn't been able to get past anyone yet. That's his trademark" - John Helm

"The shot from Laws was precise, but wide" - Alan Parry

"It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road" - Alan Green


"We've still got a lot of points on the board...to get." - Glenn Hoddle stays positive after England's 2-1 defeat by Sweden.

"I've plenty of bows to my string." - Vinnie Jones

"It was just like playing on the left. Except it was on the right." - Ryan Giggs.

"Germany are a very difficult team to play. . . they had 11 internationals out there today." - Steve Lomas

"The groin's been a little sore but I've put it to the back of my head." - Michael Hughes

"At the moment, we're not interested in the Cup, we're only interested in the present day, and that's Charlton tomorrow." - Jim Smith

"I enjoy women's company, I love flirting with them - why not? - but not dangerously these days, so you get the benefit of the flirting without the consequences, which tend to be very embarrassing." - Jimmy Hill

And here's Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who Turned 20 a few weeks ago" - David Coleman

"Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs" - David Coleman

"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite" - Murray Walker

After playing Cameroon in the 1990 World Cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought" - Bobby Robson

On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living In Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country" - Ian Rush

Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry. What chance do You think Germany has of getting through?

Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50."

"Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play" - Peter Lorenzo

"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised" - Ian McNail

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" - Ron Atkinson

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost" - Frank Bruno

"There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes." - David Coleman

"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people" - David Coleman

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical" - Murray Walker

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel" - Stuart Pearce

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" - Greg Norman

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" - Alan Minter

"Watch the time. It gives you an indication of how fast they are running" - Ron Pickering

"Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers" - Murray Walker

"Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales" - Ron Greenwood

"A brain Scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin" - Jo Sheldon

The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation" - Ron Pickering

That's inches away from being millimetre perfect" - Ted Lowe

"Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him" - Stuart Pearson

"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right" - Marlon Starling

"I can't tell who's leading - It's either Oxford orCambridge" - John Snagge - Boat Race

"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - absolutely round." - Tony Crozier


'Emile Zola has scored again for Chelsea.' - Radio 5 live

'Martin O'Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin.' - Mike Ingham

'It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the scoreline on Saturday.' - Radio 5 live

'The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee.' - Mike Ingham

'Poland nil, England nil, though England are now looking the better value for their nil.' - Barry Davies

'Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.' - John Greig

'And with just 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0.' - Ian Darke

'The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.' - John Helm

'I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.' - Archie MacPherson

'McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the referee.' - Martin Tyler

'Lukic saved with his foot, which is all part of the goalkeeper's arm.' - Barry Davies

'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.' - David Acfield

'Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras.' - Peter Jones

'Forest have now lost six matches without winning.' - David Coleman

'When a player gets to 30, so does his body.' - Glen Hoddle

'I was a young lad when I was growing up.' - David O'Leary

'Home advantage gives you an advantage.' - Bobby Robson

'It's the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result.' - Graham Taylor

'We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.' - Ruud Gullit

'The philosophy of a lot of European teams, even in home matches, is not to give a goal away.' - Alex Ferguson

'In a year's time, he's a year older.' - Bobby Robson

'The first 90 minutes are the most important.' - Bobby Robson

'Shearer could be at 100% fitness, but not peak fitness.' - Graham Taylor

'As I've said before and I've said it in the past...' - Kenny Dalglish

'He was a player that hasn't had to use his legs even when he was nineteen years of age because his first two yards were in his head.' - Glenn Hoddle

'I've seen them on television on a Sunday morning most days of the week.' - Jack Charlton

'People always remember the second half.' - Graham Taylor

'If they hadn't scored, we would've won.' - Howard Wilkinson

'Paolo Di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.'

- Bryan Robson

'It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there.' - Jack Charlton

'We keep kicking ourselves in the foot.' - Ray Wilkins

'I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.' - Glenn Hoddle

'Of the nine red cards this season we probably deserved half of them.' - Arsene Wenger

'It wasn't going to be our day on the night.' - Bryan Robson

'Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl - except, of course, for those of us who are goldfish.' - Graham Taylor

'If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen.' - Terry Venables

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.' - Ronnie Whelan

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - Neville Southall

'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.' - Paul Gascoigne

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.' - Peter Shilton

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.' - Stan Collymore

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.' - Ade Akinbiyi

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.' - Ian Wright

'It was a big relief off my shoulder.' - Paul Gascoigne

'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.' - David Beckham

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.' - Richard Rufus

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.' - Gary Lineker

'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.' -Vinny Jones

Interviewer: 'Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?'

David Beckham: 'Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side.'

'If you're 0-0 down, there's no-one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright.' - Robbie Earle

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.' - Steve Lomas

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - David Beckham

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.' - Mitchell Thomas

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.' - David Beckham

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.' - Graeme Le Saux

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.' - Johnny Giles

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.' - Thierry Henry


'If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen ' - TERRY VENABLES

'We keep kicking ourselves in the foot' - RAY WILKINS

'An inch or two either side of the post and it would have been a goal.' - DAVE BASSETT

'In football, if you stand still you go backwards.' - PETER REID

'The lads ran their socks into the ground.' - ALEX FERGUSON

'We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps.' - BRUCE RIOCH

'The spirit he has shown has been second to none.' - TERRY VENABLES on Terry Fenwick's drink-driving charge

'To be really happy, we must throw our hearts over the bar and hope that our bodies will follow.' - GRAHAM TAYLOR

'No-one hands you cups on a plate' - TERRY MCDERMOTT

'Nowhere in Europe, especially the world...' - ALEX FERGUSON

'There are two ways of getting the ball. One is from your own team-mates, and that's the only way.' - TERRY VENABLES

'The referee has a reputation for trying to make a name for himself.' - GRAEME SOUNESS

'If in winning we only draw we would be fine.' - JACK CHARLTON

'Shearer could be at 100 per cent fitness, but not peak fitness.' - GRAHAM TAYLOR

'It's a case of putting all our eggs into the next ninety minutes.' - PHIL NEAL

'Give him his head and he'll take it with both hands or feet.' - BOBBY GOULD

'Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out.' - ALEX FERGUSON

'I would have to be deaf not to read the allegations.' - BOBBY DOWNES

'Neil Lennon wasn't sent off for scoring a goal, and that's what annoys me.' - MARTIN O'NEILL

'Last night,we were the best team on the day.' - ROY AITKEN

'We're going to start the game at nil-nil and go out and try to get some goals.' - BRYAN ROBSON

'I can't see us getting beat now - once we get our tails in front.' - JIM PLATT

'As we say in football, it'll go down to the last wire.' - COLIN TODD

'They had a dozen corners, maybe 12 - I'm guessing.' - CRAIG BROWN

'I'm a firm believer that if the other side scores first you have to score twice to win.' - HOWARD WILKINSON

'If we can play like that every week we'll get some level of consistency.' - ALEX FERGUSON

'If they hadn't scored, we would've won' - HOWARD WILKINSON

'You've got to miss them to score sometimes.' - DAVE BASSETT

'A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave.' - JOHN HOLLINS

'In comparison, there's no comparison.' - RON GREENWOOD

'In terms of the Richter scale this was a force 8 gale.' - JOHN LYALL

'It's the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result.' - GRAHAM TAYLOR

'Their football was exceptionally good - and they played some good football.' - BOBBY ROBSON

'And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley - unless somebody knocks us out.' - DAVE BASSETT

'It's understandable and I understand that.' - TERRY VENABLES (that's him over there)


John Motson, the voice of English football:

'The World Cup is a truly international event.'

'Whether that was a penalty or not, the referee thought otherwise.'

'And I suppose they [spurs] are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren't ever in it anyway.'

'The game is balanced in Arsenal's favour.'

'The unexpected is always likely to happen...'

'Nearly all the Brazilian supporters are wearing yellow shirts - it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour!'

'That's an old Ipswich move - O'Callaghan crossing for Mariner to drive over the bar.'

'Bruce has got the taste of Wembley in his nostrils.'

'...so different from the scenes in 1872, at the cup final none of us can remember.'

'For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the yellow strip.'

'I was about to say before something far more interesting interrupted...'

'There is still nothing on the proverbial scoreboard.'

'It looks like a one-man show here though there are two men involved.'

'And Seaman, just like a falling oak, manages to change direction.'

'Paul Gascoigne has recently become a father and been booked for over-celebrating'

'It's Arsenal 0, Everton 1, and the longer it stays like that the more you've got to fancy Everton to win.'

'The match was settled either side of half-time.'

'The atmosphere here is literally electric'

'And what a time to score! 22 minutes gone'

'Brazil - they're so good it's like they are running around the pitch playing with themselves.'

'It's a football stadium in the truest sense of the word'

'England could have been 1-0 down on two occasions now.'

'I know that Gareth Barry has been told by Howard Wilkinson to take a long hard look at these with his left foot.'

'I've lost count of how many chances Helsingborg have had. It's at least five'

'The goals made such a difference to the way this game went'

'That shot might not have been as good as it might have been'

'The match has become quite unpredictable, but it still looks as though Arsenal will win the cup'

'Not the first half you might have expected, even though the score might suggest that it was'

'Chelsea haven't got any out and out strikers on the bench unless you count Zenden who's more of a winger'

'He's not quite at 110% fitness'

'The referee is wearing the same yellow-coloured top as the Slovakian goalkeeper. I'd have thought the UEFA official would have spotted that - but perhaps he's been deafened by the noise of this crowd'

'I can’t fault Mark Palios too highly...'


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God. I've got to copy those and savour them slowly before I explode. Thanks, and congrats for the Bristol City victory.

Here are some quotes from Yogi Berra, who, in terms of knee-slappers, was a one-man sport.


Yogi Berraisms

This is like deja vu all over again.

Half the game is 90% mental.

If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping.

Slump ? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hittin.

Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.

"I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.

"I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.

"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

"It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."

"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"It gets late early out there." -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.

"Glen Cove." -- Referring to Glenn Close on a movie review television show.

Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

"Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time.

"I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

"You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."

"90% of the putts that are short don't go in."

"I made a wrong mistake."

"Texas has a lot of electrical votes." -- During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.

"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." -- After being told he looked cool.

"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."

"Yeah, but we're making great time!" -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."

"If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them."

"Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."

"It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't."

"How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer."

"I'd say he's done more than that." -- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.

"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."

"He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light." -- On the acquisition of fleet-footed Ricky Henderson.

"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."

"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

"Well, okay. But...who's in it?" -His teamates finally persuade Yogi to go with them to a porn movie on a roadtrip offday.

"I didn't really say everything I said."

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More Yogisms


Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.

He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.

I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.

If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.

No, I make sure I expect nothing happens. Then I won't be disappointed if even less happens.

We have a good time together, even when we’re not together. -about the relationship with his wife Carmen

“It ain't over till it's over."

"In baseball, you don't know nothin'."

"It's pretty far, but it doesn't seem like it."

“ I couldn't tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on it's head."

"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

"The future ain't what it use to be."

“The only reason I need these gloves is ‘cause of my hands."

“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.”

"I wish I had an answer to that, because I'm tired of answering that question."

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