‘Twas the weekend before Christmas, and I would’st like to drink a toast from a glass half-full:
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And so it was that word filterethed down to the City of the Reds that the wise men wot runneth the Canadian Football League did’st tell the Cynamons and Sokolowskis they wouldst not be permittedeth to dock their Goode Ship Argonaute in the green and pleasant soccer harbour that isith BMO Field.
And there was great rejoicing amongst the soccer tribes, for verily had’st they believed themselves to be pole-screwed by cruel and arbirtrary fate – just as the Curse of Turf haddeth been lifted from the sacred greensward, witheth the promise of sumptuous state-of-the-art sheep food to followeth.
But now the threat t’was smitteted and slain – by the verye rules of the gridiron goliaths who had’st so darkly threateneded ye joyous tymes to come.
Verily did’st Maypl Leaf Sporte and Entertainemente then quietly breaketh ground on a new north grandstand, putting paid to ye gentle Beer Gardyn, yetteth ensuring the BMO pasture would’st remain forever too small for the cruel and gouging ravishes of pointy balle.
Now, when first blushe of spring doth cleanse away ye highway salte, and again paint the Gardner Yxpressway gray, local soccer heroes De Guzman and De Rosario shalt stand shouldyr-to-shouldyr on green and blessed grasse, united for to turn away such threats as Major Leagueth Soccer shal’t unhurl.
True, ye Latin Lance of Guevara shal’t be gone. He and new boss Preki had’st jousted twice too often in the past, and such gifted free kicks as ever we have known shall now call fair Honduras home.
And yet Vitti, the ungoode, and Fellinga, the unimpressing, hav’st also hastened hence, freeing treasure to be spent by Ye Trader Mo on strikers and stoppers and wingmen yet’st unknowable.
Verily, grate heroes shall wear the flowing red this summer hence, yet who in helle shall getteth them the ball, or finish what theye start – these portents are but yet obscure.
Yet fetch forth flagons of mede and ale, and let one and all utter a festive huzzah!!
‘Tis Chrystmas Tyme at TFC. That which shineth doth yet shine – and that which sucketh, sucketheth mayhap a little lesse.
Onwyrd!!