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An All Encompassing Guide to Following Canadian So

Guest Dave

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*** I just checked out NBC (the national broadcasting company of SVG, who is supposed to have audio webstream coverage of our first WCQ game). Why am I not surprised that after I clicked the "Listen Now" link, all I got was dead air and endless buffering?

Which leads me to consult the Voyageurs Survival Manual for advice in such situations. Ah yes, here's the entry I was looking for

Voyageurs Survival Manual, Chapter 12

An All Encompassing Guide to Following Canadian Soccer

by Toronto MB and Dave

Step 1.

Peruse the information on sites of various other minnow soccer nations looking for information that will be posted weeks to months in advance of its release in Canada.

Step 2.

Attempt to translate the information using Altavista's BabelFish.

Step 3.

Should Step 2 fail, post it on canadian-soccer.com in the hopes that an opposition supporter, who already in the know from his FA, is lurking on our boards to scope out the opposition, and that he subsequently translates and confirms the match.

Step 4.

Wait for somebody from the CSA to read the post on candian-soccer.com and subsequently e-mail the PR department telling them to announce the game because word has leaked from Talinn.

Step 5.

Piece together the entire Canadian roster from tidbits of information from European club websites, at which point the CSA will then have finally scribbled together its poorly written roster announcement. (complete with grammatical errors, outdated club listings and the surprise inclusion of Carlo Corrazin and Jeff Clarke in the roster)

Step 6.

Check Rogers Sportsnet website's TV Listings every hour, in the hope that the game might be televised.

Step 7.

Upon finding that the timeslot in question says "All-American Reality Bikini Poker Finals", begin spamming Rogers Sportsnet with indignant emails demanding the game be shown live.

Step 8.

In response to Form Letter #34256 from Rogers (explaining why the game won't be shown) start frantically searching gray-market satellite listings, Streaming websites etc, for alternate coverage. Try to convince opposition supporters to record the game for us from their local TV coverage for later bit-torrent sharing.

Step 9.

Set alarm for 4 AM kickoff time, and try to decipher choppy web-streaming audio-only feed in Spanish, while chatting with fellow Voyageurs.

Step 10.

Spanish audio web-feed cuts out at beginning of second half, to be replaced by audio versions of Latin-American soap operas.

Step 11.

A frantic search by Voyageurs uncovers a Polish site that updates the Canada score every 20 minutes or so. Spend the next hour constantly refreshing the webpage, wondering whether the 0-0 score will hold.

Step 12.

Half an hour after the game should have ended, and the Polish webtracker still says 0-0 at 46 minutes. Someone claiming to be an opposition supporter posts on the V's Board that Canada lost 2-0. Someone on BigSoccer claims it was a 1-1 draw.

Step 13.

11 AM the following morning, and the CSA webpage doesn't have the score yet.

(Reprinted by popular demand, with props to Toronto MB)

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