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  • The Reserve Squad: Nash takes his talents to South Beach


    In a stunning development, longtime Vancouver Whitecaps midfielder Martin Nash is set to announce he will leave his hometown team to join the newly-created Orlando City SC.

    In an hour-long, nationally televised special (cleverly disguised as a press conference at Swangard Stadium in Burnaby, B.C.), Nash is expected to pledge his commitment to build a championship-winning dynasty at his new, Florida-based club.

    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK] “Martin feels like he’s done it all in Vancouver, except play in the MLS,” said one anonymous source. “He’d like to keep that record intact in a new market, where there’s no chance he’ll ever have to suit up in MLS.”

    Across message boards and social media, reaction has been coming fast and furious.

    “What, having a standard of ‘pretty nice’ weather 12 months a year in Van ain’t good enough for him?” asked one commenter, nicknamed ShowMeTheDuz. “He needs 12 months of standard ‘really nice’ weather? Ah, good riddance.”

    “Holy ****!” commented HoopsHead142. “Nash and Dwight Howard together? Awesome! Superman has his Robin!”

    “Doesn’t matter who joins the other clubs, D2 is ours next season,” said AustinAztex4evah. When The Reserve Squad attempted to reach this person for further comment, it was discovered their account had been deactivated.

    - Daniel Squizzato

    I know South Beach isn’t Orlando, shut up.

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