A record-breaking losing streak to begin the season. Another coaching change. Three players arrested for public intoxication. A designated player hitting his stride, then tearing apart his knee and going out for the season.
It really doesn't seem as though things could possibly get much worse for Toronto FC. But if there's one thing that Toronto sports teams actually are adept at, it's finding new ways to frustrate and befuddle their curiously-loyal fans.
This ain't rock bottom, TFC faithful. You can always dig deeper. Well, until you hit the planet's molten core and are incinerated -- a fate that hardcore Reds fans have surely contemplated during some of those long afternoons at BMO Field. In any event, here are 10 ways the 2012 season could get even worse for TFC:
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Kevin McKenna signs with Toronto. Whoops, sorry, this should actually be under "ways things could get worse for the Canadian men's national team." Or "ways things could get worse for Kevin McKenna".
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Julian de Guzman wins the MLS Golden Boot. After being traded away from his hometown team, the new FC Dallas midfielder goes on a completely unexpected and uncharacteristic scoring tear, just as a thumb in the eye to his former club. It'd take some good fortune, and injuries to 238 other MLS players, but hey, anything's possible.
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New format for 2013 Voyageurs Cup. Toronto FC replaced in competition by Victoria Highlanders FC.
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Milos Kocic finally lets reporters know what he really thinks. About everything. The team's #1 goalkeeper finally steps over the line that he dances along every time he has a microphone near him, delivering a profane, 15-minute tirade about everything he's seen and experienced during his time in Toronto. After his prompt firing, Toronto turns to its new #1 keeper, (insert name here).
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M L $ E COULD CONTINUE OWNING THE TEAM and running it into teh ground b/c they hate soccer and all they care about is money and blah blah blah conspiracy theories blah blah baseless ad hominem attacks against people I've never met blah blah sponsons towrads etc.
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TFC Academy gets accidentally bulldozed. Following constant delays and confusion about the future of transit due to ongoing ideological battles at City Hall, a bored and possibly-drunk worker at the site of the new Downsview Park subway station goes for a late-night bulldozer ride. Hilarity/property destruction ensues.
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The Blue Jays make an honest-to-goodness run at the playoffs. Since pitching is important to a baseball team's success, and pitchers need to have working arms in order to be effective, you probably shouldn't bank on this one happening. But if the city's sports buzz wholeheartedly shifts to the local baseball squadron, TFC will sincerely wish they'd pick up a few bouncy castles from Dallas in that de Guzman deal.
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The franchise further exhausts and dispirits their already depleted roster with a meaningless cash-grab of a mid-season friendly. On turf, against an opponent that will pack the stands with locals who'll gladly go hoarse supporting a team from across an ocean, but won't spare a thought for the club representing the city they live in. Oh, wait a minute.
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Torsten Frings gets hurt against Liverpool. Ha ha, just kidding. No one you've ever heard of will play.
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TFC somehow, against all odds, climbs back into contention. But then gets officially eliminated from playoff contention with a last-minute loss at home. On October 20. Against Montreal. With the goal coming in the 95th minute from the Impact's late-season acquisition, Chad Barrett. On a play that should have been handled by a... wait for it... central defender.
While "top 10 lists" make for good click candy, surely you folks have some additions of your own. Let's hear 'em.
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