Portland Timbers are in Honduras right now, all set to play CD Olimpia in their final CONCACAF Champions League group game. A win, a draw and even a narrow one goal defeat, will see the Timbers go through to the quarter finals, which even I will grudgingly acknowledge is quite an achievement for the great unwashed. Hopefully one the Caps themselves will at least emulate next season.
Our Whitecaps Best Case Scenario week kicks off in Tegucigalpa (which looks like a horrible autocorrect gone wrong episode but actually isn't). What we want to see is threefold.
First of all, we want to see the Timbers lose. Badly. Although I'll settle for 2-0. We don't want to see our Cascadian rivals win anything or any games, and especially not advance and get prestige in the Champions League. Secondly, we want to see a rough, tough battle. Lots of kicking taking it's toll in the best Honduras way. Let's leave some walking wounded for the Timbers ahead of Saturday's crucial clash at Dallas. And finally, we want to see horrible, strength sapping conditions for Portland, followed by some flight scheduling nightmares that delays their return to the US for as long as possible.
A day later and the action moves to Utah, with Real Salt Lake winding up their season three days before any other team in MLS in a scheduling quirk forced by having an odd number of teams in the league.
Now lets lay our cards out on the table right away. We want the Whitecaps to face RSL in the playoffs. I feel that not only is it the most winnable road game between the two options, but it's also a trip I will gladly make. Trying to get to Frisco for the Dallas game just doesn't appeal and I want to stay Ebola free!
So whilst a Salt Lake loss or draw at home to Chivas on Wednesday would, on first reflection, be the ideal option for the outcome of this match, that's actually just what we don't want to happen from a Whitecaps point of view.
Anything but a win for RSL will keep them firmly rooted below Dallas in fourth place in the West. The end result that we want but at the wrong possible time. Such an outcome would mean that Dallas have clinched third and avoided a first round playoff knockout game, all with one game to spare. That frees them up to play a weakened team in their last game of the regular season, resting some key players. Normally we wouldn't care but considering their opponents are Portland, we need Dallas to go into this game having to must win to secure that third spot, so that means we need RSL to get the three points on Wednesday night.
So as we move into an exciting Saturday, that'll hopefully be two results down, three to go.
And we first head a little bit closer to home, with all eyes on the Supporters' Shield showdown between Seattle Sounders and LA Galaxy at 11.30am on Saturday morning. A horrible time and a horrible match for us. The last thing I want is Seattle to win the Supporters' Shield, especially in front of their idiot fans. They'll be unbearable. Even more so than usual. But, sadly that's what we'll be rooting for - a Sounders win or draw.
Why? I hear you scream. Well frankly, I'm looking ahead. When the Caps beat Real Salt Lake in the first round of the playoffs, who would you rather they face in the Western semi final? An LA side we've struggled to take one point from this season and one in which we simply can't seem to win at their gaff, or a Seattle side that are on Vancouver's mantelpiece?
Let's keep LA for the Western Conference final, or even better still, hope that Dallas put them out before that point.
Then we come to the real big one - Dallas v Portland.
If our plan has gone well so far, then Dallas will head into this one needing to win to grab that third place (unless they want to avoid LA in the semis and see Seattle as the easier route too!). A draw wouldn't be a disaster as it would still leave the Whitecaps needing just one point of their own to claim the playoff berth, but we want a Dallas win. A victory that will seal Vancouver's fate with their own one game to spare.
A Dallas win sends Vancouver into the postseason without doing anything and will mean that Carl Robinson can rest some key players, especially the ones like Harvey, Laba, Morales and Teibert who are all just one more booking away from suspension. Rest Rosales too and keep him fresh. The perfect situation for the Caps. Except, of course, they will have started their own game before Portland have finished, so that resting needs to come at half-time. Still a big boost though.
But whatever happens in the Dallas-Portland game and whatever Vancouver need to get in that last game to secure the playoff spot, we want to see the team end with a win and some goals. The Caps need one of the strikers (and I don't care which one it is at this point) to catch fire, find the back of the net and head into the playoffs in form and full of confidence.
So there's our dream next five days. Just to recap, we're looking to see....
- A Timbers collapse against CD Olimpia
- A Honduran bloodbath
- A Real Salt Lake win over Chivas
- A Seattle Sounders win over LA Galaxy
- A Dallas win over Portland
- A Vancouver win over Colorado
- Another final game hat-trick from a Caps striker
A lucky seven? Let's hope the footballing gods are looking down in our favour.